Date #40--The Aussie

My second round of speed dating a couple of weeks ago yielded me three potential dates to be, and the Aussie is #2 of the group. Okay, I don't want to pour over the accent too much because you've already heard quite enough of that talk with regards to the Brit, but I suppose I'm like most American girls. I like a good Australian accent now and again. When I was a kid, I had a major league crush on Mel Gibson. This was back before he went crazy in front of our very eyes. I'm talking back in the Lethal Weapon 2 days and Air America and did you see and totally swoon over him in Forver Young? He was completely and outrageously striking on a purely physical level. And he was always really charming and funny when I would see him in interviews. This is not even mentioning the fact that he had been a devoted husband to his wife Robin of like 20 something years, and a father of 6 or maybe eventually 7 kids with her. This added to his overall appeal. Like I said before, he had us all fooled. But in any event, it was enough to garner some attention for the land down under and make us American girls sit up and take heed when other Aussie hotties emerged such as Hugh Jackman, Guy Pearce, and the late great Heath Ledger. I remember one time back in 2001 I was working as a coffee barista out in LA at this coffee place that celebrities always came into. One night, Heath Ledger came in, and he was dating Heather Graham at the time so she was with him. They came in and ordered a couple of specialty drinks, and then Heath Ledger who looked so handsome and young and fresh off of the release of "10 Things I Hate About You" very politely asked me, "Where is the restroom?" I directed him around the corner and totally fell in love just a little bit that night. In any event, I guess what I'm getting at in all of this is that I have a thing for international guys. Ya know, Cuban, British, Spanish, Italian--I do not discriminate and definitely do not leave out the Australians.

Like with most of my dates, I throw out the idea of meeting up at a museum to the Aussie. He writes back that it sounds like an interesting plan, but then a couple of days later he does me one better and says he scored some tickets to the Tribeca Film Festival for Friday night. He says it starts at 5:45 pm so we should meet at the theater at 5:30. This poses a bit of a problem because I generally work until 6 pm. However, once I mention the film festival to my co-worker I suddenly find out what a huge deal it is. Don't get me wrong. I haven't been living under a rock or anything. I know that this is Robert De Niro's little baby, but in all honesty I haven't given it much thought until my co-worker looks at me dead seriously and a little over the top and says, "Carole, do you know how hard it is to get those tickets? I've been wanting to go forever. I hate you right now." She's only joking on the last bit, but it's enough to get me really excited about going so I decide to skip my break on Friday so that I can leave at 5 pm instead. I have no idea what we're watching, but I'm excited, and I'm totally jazzed to join the Aussie up until the moment I emerge above ground on Friday evening.

It is right at 5:30 pm, and I am supposed to be meeting him. The theater is a few blocks away. I text the Aussie, "I'm on my way. Sorry." He writes back that he's waiting in line. A few moments pass, and it's about 5:37. The Aussie calls me and asks, "Where are you?" I say, "OMG, I'm on 5th Avenue." Keep in mind I need to get to 2nd Avenue. I can hear a little tension in the Aussie's voice. He says, "They're not gonna let us in if we're late." I say, "Oh no. Okay, I'm totally gonna try to run right now." And I do. As soon as the light changes, I take off going as fast as I can all the while still being in full on work clothes and work shoes. This basically translates to--I don't think I'm running much faster than maybe some people would be if they walked really quickly. But I keep going shooting past University Ave and 4th and then 3rd. As I finally see that I'm approaching 2nd I'm seriously starting to feel out of breath. I see a big awning with a red carpet and a bunch of press people. I approach the theater, and I see the Aussie waiting. It's about 5:43 at this point. I'm convinced we've probably been locked out.

I say, "I'm sooo sorry. Did we miss it?" He says, "I'm not sure, but we'll see." I can feel sweat on my brow. This is seriously the most disheveled I have ever shown up as on a date. I do recall the time I went to the batting cages with the Cuban. I remember after my second round in the cages, I took the helmet off, and the Cuban looked at me in a kind of dramatic way and said, "You're sweating." I said, "Really?" feeling a bit self conscious, but then he followed it up by saying that he thought it was super sexy when he saw a girl sweating because it meant she was sporty and stuff. I would later go onto read in a magazine that many men find the sight of a woman sweating to be sexy because they imagine that it's similar to how she would look when having sex. Things that make you go..hmm. In any event, I don't think that the Aussie and me have formed quite enough of a bond for him to make a similar correlation. Instead he probably just thinks I'm a slob and bad at time management to boot. In any event, we go in, and there's actually no problem being admitted to the theater. It's pretty packed when we go inside, but the usher leads us to these great seats right in the center of the theater. I give the Aussie a high five, and I say, "Wow, everything worked out perfectly." He seems a lot less destressed now that we're seated and ready to watch the show.

It turns out we're watching a series of documentary short films. I'm really looking forward to this. I really like shorts whether it's in film or fiction or come to think of it--dating interactions. There are five, and in a nutshell they are basically about 1. a Japanese American costume designer who was put with her family in an internment camp during WWII, 2. foreign born soldiers who are currently serving in the US military, 3. the concept of missed connections on Craig's List, 4. a heavy metal band in Cuba, and 5. a DJ called Junebug who lived in the Bronx back in the early 1980s. The ones that really stand out to me are the one on the Japanese costume designer just because the cultural history interests me and the missed connections one just because it is so closely related to much of what I write about and ponder in my blog. If you're not familiar with the missed connections section, it's basically where people have an interaction or a missed interaction with someone, and they post a very brief one sentence ad looking for the person. It might say something like, "Girl in the polka dotted skirt who was standing in line at Starbucks reading Sylvia Plath." Or "Guy with the cocker spaniel who gave me directions on 42nd and Park." It could be any random posting, but the reality is that more often than not nothing ever comes of it. Think about it. What are the chances that person is going to be reading Craig's List on the exact day you post the ad? I know for a fact if anyone has ever posted an ad to me, I definitely missed it. I've never even read that section of Craig's List. In a way, I think maybe the people do it for a sense of closure. It helps them to think that they put this desire to find this special someone out into the world, and if it's meant to be, the person will see it. Possibly, but think about how many random encounters and interactions you have in a given day especially in a place like NYC. You could theorize that any one of them are meant to make a greater than average impact on your life. I think a lot of it has to do with being open when the connection comes along. If it comes along your path when you're distracted or not willing to go there, you will easily let it pass you by. I guess that's why it must seem all the more meaningful and relevant if you actually find the person you are searching for on a site like that. The film had one couple that had found each other on there after randomly meeting at a club one night and not exchanging info, and now they're like engaged or something. It also had a guy who had shared a cab with a woman who he did not exchange info with, but he could not stop thinking about her, and he posted the ad. I find it interesting how you can never predict the impact someone will have on you. You might know one person for 10 years and another person for only 3 months, and it's totally possible that the 3 month person will leave more of a bigger impact on your overall life.

After the films the lights go up, and the filmmakers go up to the front and talk about their films for a short bit and answer questions from the audience. One person asks the director of the missed connections film if the guy in the cab ever found the woman, and she says, "No, he did not ever find her, but he says he still thinks about her." Maybe she'll see this film and find him. Afterwards the Aussie and I get up to leave. I thank him for getting the tickets, and I tell him that I really enjoyed it. I ask him which one was his favorite film. He says the one on the DJ called Junebug. It was indeed very compelling as well. I, of course, tell him the ones I told you. Once we leave the theater, the Aussie asks me if I want to go up the street to get a drink. I say, "Sure." We go in a bar that's just a couple of paces away. The Aussie asks me what I want. I haven't eaten dinner yet so I'm a little worried about drinking anything heavy. I ask him what he's having, and he says a Brooklyn Lager. I say I'll have the same. Once we get settled, I'm excited to get to know the Aussie a little better. Truthfully I don't know much about him outside of what I gathered at speed dating which was that he was from Australia, and he currently has a work visa through the high end furniture company he works for as a salesman, and he may be looking for a wife so that he can stay in America. He was kidding about the last part...I think.

I'll be honest. I do like the Aussie's accent, but I'm not attracted to him. He's an average looking guy, but he doesn't really do it for me, and in a way this makes me happy. I know I go on about the Brit's accent, but let's face it. At the end of the day, there has to be a lot more than just the accent. The novelty of that would have worn thin after about a day. And I know in the beginning this is something I was struggling to figure out. I was asking myself, "Do I really like the Brit, or do I just like the fact that he's British?" Trust me folks. I like the Brit. I like the Brit A LOT. I like him so much that I think I might even like him if he were American, but for all intents and purposes being British is a part of him and his character, and I love that aspect on every level, but right here and right now at this bar, this interaction confirms it for me. I do not fancy the Brit for purely superficial reasons. I've grown to like him very much as a person for his sensitivity and his wit and his spontaneity, and I very much one day would like to be in his company again. But on this night I am here with the Aussie who in his own right is not a bad time at all.

I ask the Aussie if people ever think he's British when he talks. He says that sometimes they do. I say, "I could see how people would think that, but if you listen closely I actually don't think British and Australian accents sound that similar at all." He asks me what I know about Australia. He says, "I find that most Americans don't know a whole lot about Australia." I say, "Well, Crocodile Dundee was really famous in America." He says, "Yeah, but Americans don't really know anything about the country." I try to think for a moment what I myself actually know, and I say, "Well, my perception or stereotype if you will is that Australian people are super friendly and happy." He's taking it in a bit mischievously. I continue, "And I think they like to play rugby a lot." I say, "Do you play rugby?" He laughs and says, "Do I look like I play rugby?" Keep in mind he's totally a skinny white guy so in fact the question was not to be taken seriously on my part. I ask him if there's a rivalry between England and Australia. He tells me its a friendly one. I ask if there's one with New Zealand. He says, "There's not really any competition with New Zealand because everyone from there is boring." I laugh. He says, "It's true. Have you ever hung out with a New Zealander? They will bore you to tears." I keep laughing, and I say, "But they have a ton of sheep there, don't they?" He confirms this, and he tells me that the rivalry with New Zealand is friendly as well.

He asks me what my ethnic background is. I tell him that I'm half Japanese and half caucasian. He says his mother would have a fit if she knew he was on a date with me. I say, "Why? Is she racist?" He says, "Well, let me put it to you this way. My oldest brother lives in Japan and is married to a Japanese woman. My middle brother is currently dating a Japanese girl. I'm the youngest son. My mother recently said to me, 'It'd be nice if one of my sons married a normal girl'." I take this to mean normal would imply Australian white girl in this instance or perhaps just white girl. I ask the Aussie if his oldest brother has any kids with his wife. He says, "Yeah, they have two sons." I say, "I bet the kids are really cute." He says, "Oh yeah. They're gonna get so much sex when they're older with the half and half thing going on." I say, "Yeah, half Asian and half white is a great mixture," and seriously I'm not in any way talking about myself when I say this. Whenever I see other hapas, I always think they're so good looking, and obviously that's why I was so interested in dating one for so long, but the Aussie just looks at me knowing that I am one, and he says, "It's a great mixture." I ask, "So did your mom not totally melt when she saw the kids?" And he says, "Yes, she totally did. She's more Japanese than any of us now. Seriously she had issues in the beginning but not anymore." I can see where he's coming from, and I say, "Whenever people see the grandkids, all racial nonsense usually goes out the window."

So it's pretty obvious this is sort of a screening date. The Aussie is not even springing for dinner. Instead he says he's supposed to be meeting up with a friend for dinner. He tells me that he actually just met this guy at a business event, but he's really excited because he's trying to cultivate some male friendships in the City. He says he has a ton of female friends and even some gay guy friends, but he needs a good solid straight guy friend to be his wingman for when he goes out at night. I ask him if he's usually the Maverick or the Goose character in this situation. He says he's Maverick all the way, taking the lead. We get on the topic of how NYC is filled with good looking people. He says he rates himself a 7 on the looks scale, but he considers his personality to be a total 10. He then says, "There aren't really any 10s in this bar, well, except for maybe that guy over in the corner." I look at a guy who's wearing a beanie and sitting at a table with his friends. I say, "Yeah, but the thing with really good looking people is that they don't usually have the best personalities. It's because they've never had to cultivate their personality as much because they've always been able to rely on their looks." So true from what my experience has been. The Aussie gives me a hard time and says, "So what are you saying? Because my personality's a 10 I clearly am not that good looking?" He's totally teasing me. I laugh and say, "No, but you said yourself that you're a 7. I'm the same way. I'm totally a 7. It's all personality with me." Just then the Aussie says, "Tell me he's not totally a 10." I slying look around, and the beanie guy is at the bar ordering a drink. I turn back around, and I say, "Yeah, he's pretty darn good looking." When we turn back around we see him fiddling around near the coat rack. I say, "Look, he's leaving. You need to go say hi so you can try to cultivate a Bromance. That guy will totally let you be his wingman." The Aussie just laughs and says it wasn't meant to be. I say, "Maybe you can post a missed connection ad to him on Craig's List."

After a while, it's time for the Aussie to go try to cultivate his own Bromance with his new potential BFF in the LES. He walks me out of the bar, and I tell him I need to go in the opposite direction to catch my subway. We hug each other, and the Aussie tells me that it was fun and that we should hang out again sometime and spend some real quality time together. I say sure, and we wave goodbye. I doubt I'll ever see him again. Don't get me wrong. The Aussie was fun as I expected he would be and quite humorous actually. It was relatively easy to banter back and forth, and I would have liked to maybe have shared a meal with him, but my gut review of this date is that it was all surface. There was nothing defining about it that left a mark on me, and in the end I chalk it up to a few superficial laughs at the corner pub. Not so hard to come by on the streets of NYC. Once I reach the Union Square subway, I realize I'm really hungry so I decide to go into Food Emporium before I head home to buy some sushi, and while I'm there I decide to go ahead and pick up some groceries for the week. As I'm cruising around the grocery aisles alone at 9 pm on a Friday night, it occurs to me that I used to always think that the grocery store on a Friday night was the perfect place to meet someone. Afterall, if you are buying groceries by yourself at 9 pm on a Friday night, it is like sticking a sign on your forehead that says, "I AM SINGLE." But actually the thought that is more prevalent in my mind this evening is that I don't mind it at all. There have been times in my life where I was single and in denial and trying to tell myself that I was happy, but in actuality I wasn't and I hated it and I totally wanted to be with someone. There have also been times when I have totally not wanted to be with someone but instead was heartbroken and pining for some guy I couldn't have and wasn't happy in that regard either. And what I realize in comparison is that this moment is real and genuine. I am single and I am happy, and I am really happy being single, BUT I am open, and I think that is the most important component. I am not anti-relationships or anti-boyfriend. And that's when it dawns on me. I think maybe this time more than ever before is maybe the best time for me to start thinking about heading towards relationship status. I think if you're lonely or depressed over a guy or just want to be with a guy maybe because all your friends have boyfriends or for some other unsound reasons, you may end up getting into a relationship for all the wrong reasons. However, if you're completely happy on your own, and you can't think of a single reason why dating someone special wouldn't enhance your life, then maybe that is the very perfect most opportune time to go find that right guy and give it a go.

There's a great line in "Along Came Polly." Basically Jennifer Aniston plays this free spirit who hooks up with this totally tightly wound Ben Stiller character, and when she explains herself she says, "I've been living my life, okay? I've been in good relationships, and I've been in shitty ones... and I've moved alot... and I've been happy, and I've been sad... and I've been lonely... and that is what I've been doing." When I hear that, I think, "Yeah. That's me. That's what I've been doing, too." For the past 3 years and 9 months since I finally split from my ex-boyfriend I've been figuring myself out. I've been grieving. I've been celebrating. I've been in an isolated village in Japan. I've been traveling. I've been having random adventures with friends and strangers alike in NYC. I've been confused. I've been figuring it out. More than anything I've been realizing who I am and getting back to that part that is closer to myself. And after almost four years, I think I'm almost there. Maybe I'm really close to finding the person I want to give to someone else, and when I do you can bet it's going to be every bit as satisfying as this sushi I'm about to take home and plow right into.

Tribeca Film Festival: http://www.tribecafilm.com/festival/
Food Emporium: http://www.thefoodemporium.com/