Date #41--The Admissions Guy

It is 4:30 pm on Saturday afternoon, and I am meeting the Admissions Guy at the Drawing Center which is an art gallery located on one of the side streets just off from the heart of Chinatown. I go in, and the first thing I notice is that it's just a small room. I'm thinking, "This will take no time at all to breeze through." However, I don't see my date, and he had texted me a few minutes prior letting me know that he was early and that he'd be waiting for me. I decide to call him, and when he picks up I say, "Hey, are you here?" He answers in the affirmative. I say, "I don't see you anywhere," and just then I see the guy who is sitting at the desk pointing to the yellow building across the street. I realize that the main space is across the way, and I say, "Oh okay, I see. I'm in the wrong building. I'll be right there." I have to wait for a couple of taxis to pass by, and when I reach the other side of the street I immediately see the Admissions Guy. We go to hug each other. I laughingly say, "Dude, I was totally in the wrong place. Have you been waiting around forever?" He laughs, too, and he says, "No, not at all. I just got here not that long ago." It's an interesting thing why I call him the Admissions Guy. It's actually because just recently through our match.com exchanges I discovered that he's the assistant director of admissions for one of the schools at the New School which is where I'm currently attending graduate school. He had seen this on my profile, and that's when he mentioned it. I thought it might be cool to meet someone who was actually affiliated with my school. Afterall, I spent my entire undergraduate career dating guys who went to my college which at the time was the University of Southern California. I have yet to go on a date with any guy from the New School. And do you know why? Because there are none. Believe me, I have looked, and it's all chicks or gay guys or there are a random handful of straight guys, but they have quickly fallen into the friendship zone. In any event, I guess you could say this is a night of firsts then--my very first date with a fellow New School student as he's currently getting his master's there as well.

I'm actually quite excited to talk to him because I have a ton of questions regarding the admissions process. I know you're thinking, but aren't you already in, Carole? This is true, but as you'll recall I've been studying psychology for the past year. I do find it interesting, but I have to be honest. I don't know if I really see myself as a clinical psychologist type in the long run. The brain and mental illness and all of that stuff is sometimes not exactly my cup of tea, and what I think I am ultimately drawn to is people and their experience in the world and interacting within it. Thus, I kind of see myself moving more in the direction of social work. I know that ultimately I definitely want to be in a helping profession where I feel like I'm making a difference. However, I also have to tell you that just recently I've had to admit to myself that I still have this burning passion to live my life overseas. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love New York, and I see myself being here absolutely nothing short of 7-10 years, but I don't really see myself building my longterm life here. And this isn't something I've been keeping a secret. It really is something I wanted to try to figure out, and more than anything this year of dating dangerously in NYC has taught me an abundance about myself, and the ultimate conclusion I am drawing is that you can take the girl out of the wanderlust, but you can't take the wanderlust out of the girl. This basically means that I love trying new places, and I even love getting settled into them for years at a time, but I like to keep evolving and being challenged. Some people, most people in fact, can do this and thrive while doing this in one set environment. As for me personally, there are so many places I've always wanted to live that I've just come to realize that you only get one life, and if that's your desire you should go for it. So I would like to at some point live in London and Paris and Spain and Australia and Hawaii and San Francisco, etc. In thinking about this, I kind of had to narrow in on a profession that might hold potential in any number of places. I don't really feel psychology is the best choice. I think social work is a better one, and that being said I've also recently been thinking about getting my master's in TESOL which is teaching English to speakers of other languages. I basically did this for a couple of years in Japan so I already have a strong background in it. I am curious to see what Admissions Guy has to say.

So I immediately plunge in, and I say, "Well, to start with I actually have a bunch of questions about the admissions process." He says, "You're getting your master's in psychology, right?" I say, "Yeah, but I've been thinking of switching to TESOL because I really want to live abroad, and I need to study something where I'll be able to work abroad." He says, "Oh, TESOL. Yeah, that's actually one of the programs I help oversee. I get really excited, and I say, "Oh, so you can tell me all about it." And he does. We have a nice chat, and it turns out that I'd be able to finish it by next year which is when I was scheduled to finish the psychology degree anyway. Who knows though? It's all up in the air, and I don't want the date to just be a total Q&A session for the New School. Afterall, that's what Admissions Guy does all day so I suggest that we go in and have a look at the Drawing Center. We go inside, and I notice that again it's just one room, but it's much bigger than the one across the street. This one is the size of an enormous loft, and there's a special exhibit on one artist. The drawings are very vivid and splashed with bright color. I'm not really sure what the exact theme is, but we notice that many of them feature a lion or a dog or a woman in an erotic pose. Maybe there's some correlation between it all.

The thing I notice about Admissions Guy is that he's very jovial. He laughs a lot, and he pokes fun at the art in moments where it is absolutely necessary to make a comment. I'm not particularly attracted to him though. He's an average looking/standard looking white guy I suppose. Nothing significant about him jumps out at me. He's not unattractive, but for the most part I just don't find myself terribly attracted to American white guys these days. It's not so much physical, but I think it's the lack of diversity from the culture I have always known. Again it goes back to craving something that is entirely different from me. It turns out Admissions Guy is from upstate New York originally. He moved to the City for graduate school and his job at the New School. He hasn't traveled much outside of the country though he would like to. He currently lives in Queens, and he's just like the rest of us, doing his best to figure it out and find his place in the world.

It only takes about an hour to see all of the drawings, and we walk back out of the building. Admissions Guy says, "So what do you want to do now? You wanna get rid of me, or you wanna keep hanging out?" It's not even 5 pm yet. I say, "Well, I don't have any plans so, yeah, let's keep hanging out." I don't know if Admissions Guy was expecting this to crash and burn, but he doesn't have a plan for after the gallery so he suggests that we just walk since it's a bit too early to eat. We walk through SoHo, and I tell him that I would love to live in a loft around here, but it is way more expensive than I could ever afford. He tells me that Vanessa Carlton was going to apply to the New School a few years ago, and she ended up inviting him to a party at her loft which is around here. He says it was awesome. We walk some more. We pass by a jewelry store with these real live bears that have been stuffed and put on display. I say, "Let's go in because when I see bears that just says to me 'I need some diamonds'." Admissions Guy is not hungry just yet. I tell him that's fine. I say, "I'm hungry, but I'm not starving. I could hold out for a maximum of probably 2 hours, but that would be pushing it." I go onto ask, "So are you usually not hungry, not hungry, not hungry, and then all of a sudden you're starving?" He says, "Yeah, there's no build up. It just shows up all of a sudden." I say, "Okay, well, just let me know when the overwhelming hunger strikes." We continue on after gawking at the stuffed bears. Probably 10 minutes pass when all of a sudden he says, "I'm hungry. Let's eat here." I look, and it's this place called SoHo Park. It looks cute so I say okay.

Once we go in, I realize it's an All American joint with burgers and fries and such. It's not a fast food joint but rather one of those upscale gourmet burger places. We place our order at the counter. I decide to go for the daily special of fish and chips and a cherry cola, and Admissions Guy orders a double burger and some onion rings and a root beer. We find a seat right by the window. Once the food comes, we dig in, and it is scrumptious. The fish and chips are good, but I have to tell you that the onion rings are out of this world awesome. I don't know who came up with the concept of onion rings, but I personally consider them one of the best gifts ever given to the eating public to enjoy. Over dinner we talk about random things. Admissions Guy asks me how many dates I've been on from match.com. I say I've been on about 40. Okay, even I'll admit it's starting to sound excessive. In the beginning I could easily get away with saying, "Oh you know 5 or 10." But once you get well into the double digits, you are nothing short of a serial dater. I never was before, but now I have lived to experience and tell what it is like on this side. Not to defend this endless cycle that ultimately only results in surface interactions and casual sex if that's what you're into (I'm not, but I could see how it could be all about that), but I have to say that I think serial dating serves a purpose. If you're not relationship oriented it can keep you from getting lonely, and if you're not really sure what you're looking for or you're looking to learn more about yourself, I think you can learn a ton from the practice of it. I remember in the last letter the Brit wrote to me one of the concerns he expressed was that if we did begin dating again, he might always question what would make me want to stop after 50 dates if indeed I did love the practice of dating so much. Well, I'll only truly be able to determine that once I'm in the moment of having experienced 50 first dates, but I do know that as a general practice I wouldn't find these kinds of fleeting interactions more worthwhile in the longterm as compared with the intensity and deepness I could cultivate with one person who I really fancied such as the Brit. I guess we'll find out.

In any event, Admissions Guy thinks 40 is a lot. I ask him how many match.com dates he's been on, and he says 15. I say, "Okay, see. You've been utilizing the service as well." I ask him if there was a spark with any of them, and he says with one only, but it wasn't reciprocal. I say, "Yeah, statistically what I have found is that for every 10 dates you go on, there is usually one guy who holds some potential." Afterall, I'm not to 50 yet, but there have been 5 guys with real potential--The Cuban, Food Guy, the Hapa, Sitcom Guy, and the Brit, and out of the 5, I would say 2 had definite potential so in the end dating is just a number's game. Once we finish eating, we head outside and start walking again. Admissions Guy says, "So do you remember reading on my profile that I smoke?" Honestly, I don't remember taking note of it, but it's not a big deal to me especially since I'm already feeling like there's not much of an attraction on my end. I say, "Umm, I may have read that, but it's fine. You do what you need to do." He takes out a cigarette and lights up. I start waving my hand and say, "Eew that's gross." And then I laugh and say, "I'm just kidding." Once we reach Canal St., Admissions Guy jokes that it's his least favorite street in the world. He says it's so congested with people, and he just gets super uncomfortable. As we're crossing it I say, "Just remember to breathe. We're almost through it." He likes that I'm being overly dramatic.

When we get past Canal, he says, "Well, I just want you to know I don't have a plan. I have no idea where we're going." I ask, "Well, we did a museum, and we had dinner. What do you think would be the next logical thing?" He says, "I would suggest a drink. That's what seems logical to me." I say, "Okay, do you have a certain bar in mind?" He says, "Nope." As we're walking, I notice we're kind of just heading in the direction of my apartment in the Financial District so I say, "There's a bar in my neighborhood that we could go to." He thinks that's a good idea. I lead the way since he's actually not familiar with my neighborhood at all. He jokingly asks, "Are we even still in Manhattan because I don't think I've ever been here before?" I say, "You're in for a treat. Well, actually I've never even been to this bar, but I've been wanting to go because it's literally like 5 minutes from my apartment." It's called the Iron Horse. Many a night I have walked past this place, and there's always loud hard rock music blaring. It's only about 6 pm so things haven't gotten juiced up just yet, but we go in, and we notice that this place looks wild. There's a swing on the bar for people to swing on, and there are poles on top of the bar. There are also hula hoops behind the bar. This place has the potential to get crazy, but as for right now, there are only a handful of people milling about around the bar.

The bartender who is this bubbly redheaded girl comes over, and I order an apple martini. Admissions Guy says, "Well, if we're going that route..." I say, "Why? What are you gonna order?" He says, "I was just gonna order a beer, but if we're going that route I'll have a dirty martini." Once we get our drinks I notice that there's a pool table in back. I say, "Do you like to play pool?" He says, "Yes, I do. You wanna go play?" I say, "Yep." We take our drinks and go to the pool table. I'm really excited. I haven't yet played pool on a date, but I think it'll be fun. I think any activity where a little friendly competition is involved is always a good idea. So Admissions Guy breaks, and it turns out he's stripes, and I'm solids. He does pretty good at first, and what surprises me most is that I do okay, too. It's seriously been years since I played pool, but I find myself getting the balls in the holes. Whenever I pull the stick back and pop the ball really hard into the hole, Admissions Guy seems simultaneously astonished yet pleased. What is it with guys? They love competing with girls. Eventually it comes down to just the black 8 ball, and I aim and fire it into the hole. Game over, and I win. Admissions Guy is a good sport. Just then we hear the music get cranked up really loudly, and we see the bubbly redhead doing a dance with the swing on top of the bar. We both sit back in amazement watching the show.

Afterwards, we go back to the bar and have another round. Then Admissions Guy asks me if I want another or if we should get out of here. I say there's another bar at the Southstreet Seaport that I have never been to so we decide to hop over there. It definitely feels like springtime. The night air feels nice and breezy. The outdoor seating is back at all the restaurants. We head to the mall, and on the 3rd floor there is a bar that is attached to a restaurant that I've never been to. We go in, and it is a completely different atmosphere from the biker bar we just came from. We're definitely not going to be seeing any bubbly redheads dancing on this bar. There's not even a swing attached. As an alternative I say there's also the margarita bar in the food court. We go to check it out, but neither of us really wants a margarita so we go back to the bar. I decide to switch it up, and I get a midori sour. I absolutely love, love, love these. They are my second favorite behind apple martinis.

So Admissions Guy and I continue talking, and the controversial topic of religion comes up. I tell him that I'm Christian. He's Agnostic. I'm thinking it won't be a problem especially since this is only the first date, and I'm not invested, but Admissions Guy totally makes it an issue. He seems to get uncomfortable, and he says, "I can't believe you actually believe that the stuff in the Bible is true." I don't really know how to answer him so I just say, "Well, I do." It's not like I'm saying he should, but I can see he's getting fired up so I just let him go on his rant. Believe me, I know there are plenty of overzealous Christians out there. Even they scare me, but there are just as many overzealous Agnostics, too. At the end of the day, it's about respecting a person's right to believe in whatever it is they believe. I just could never be with a guy who couldn't do that for me. After it's out of his system, Admissions Guy calms down, and we get onto a different topic, and it's interesting because I think since we've had the religion talk he somehow feels more connected to me. He's more affectionate towards me, or maybe that third drink is getting to him. He says he's going to smoke again and asks me if I want to join him. I say sure. We walk outside on the deck, and we sit down on the bench.

He puts his arm around me. Oh man, I am not feeling this, but I'm feeling like we're probably almost done here so I'm just gonna ride it out. I'm not having an awful time. Admissions Guy is fun enough, but I feel like he's totally getting the wrong idea or going in the wrong direction. I find boredom leads people to do strange things, and I like to stay stimulated in the moment so I ask Admissions Guy if I can have a puff of his cigarette. He says, "I thought you said you didn't smoke." I say, "I don't, but I just do it for a laugh in social situations." He hands me his cigarette, and I inhale and exhale. I hand it back to him. He sucks it in. I ask him if he can blow ringlets. He says no. After the cigarette, we go back inside. I get another midori sour, and he gets another drink as well. He says he sees some couches in the back by the fireplace and suggests that we go take a look.

We sit down, and again Admissions Guy is sitting very close. We keep talking about this and that, and then all of a sudden out of nowhere Admissions Guy plants one on me. I'm stunned only because I don't remember giving any clear signs that I wanted him to start making out with me. It wasn't like that time I was at the bar with Mr. Handsome, and I was clearly asking him to taste my lips, and he did nothing. And that's when it occurs to me. I think there's a key difference between white guys and Asian guys when it comes to boundaries and affection. Asian guys are very respectful almost to a fault, and most of them will pretty much wait for you to make the move. Well, except for this one Asian guy in Texas who I made out with on the first date. But with white guys, they just go all in. Of course, it's case by case. But think about it. Admissions Guy is only the second guy to attempt a kiss on the first date, the first being the Brit. Personally I thought making out on the first date with the Brit was a bit soon, and I actually liked the guy. You can imagine how I'm feeling about making out with Admissions Guy considering how ambivalent I feel about him. So once Admissions Guy comes up for air I just say, "So what is your biggest fear?" He says, "Wow, that's kind of a mood breaker talking about one's biggest fears." I say, "I'm gonna go to the restroom, and you be thinking about it."

The truth is I didn't really have to go to the restroom, but I needed a moment to think and to realize that I've let this go too far. Sure flirting is fun, and who doesn't like a little attention, but I have no real and genuine interest in this guy, and we've already firmly established that I'm not gonna have a one night stand just because I so clearly could at this point. I don't have a solution so that's why I'm really relieved when I exit out of the restroom, and I see that the restaurant is preparing to close. Admissions Guy and I realize that we must leave the premises. As we're leaving the mall he says, "So what do you want to do now?" I say, "Well, I should head home. I have to go to church in the morning." As he's walking me home, he's holding my hand, and he says, "Do you want me to give you a massage? I can give you a good massage." I just kind of smile uncomfortably and say, "No, it's okay. I have to get up early in the morning." He says, "But I give good massages." Okay, Guys, take note. If a girl says she has to wake up early in the morning, it's usually code for, "Stop asking me to come up to my apartment to make out with me. I don't want to make out with you anymore." Once we reach my door, I'm a bit relieved, and I say, "Okay, so just go straight up this street, and the 4/5 train is on the left at Broadway." He gives me another kiss goodnight, and he says, "I had fun, and even if this doesn't work out, you should still apply to the TESOL program. I think I could really help you out." I think he notices a look of alarm on my face, and he says, "No, seriously. I was just kidding. I take my job very seriously. I would never let this interfere." And I say, "It's good to know you're not in the practice of sexual harrassment." And yeah, we kind of leave it at that. We say goodnight, and that's that.

I have to be honest. I spent the next couple of days worried that Admissions Guy would contact me raving about what a great time he had and wanting to go out again, but surprisingly four days passed before he finally wrote saying he had a truly "excellent time," but there were a couple of things he thought were deal breakers that would have been just that in the end so he wished me luck and again mentioned that I should apply to the TESOL program. Is it terrible to say I was relieved to be rejected by Admissions Guy? I mean seriously, did we need the formal announcement that things wouldn't continue? But in reality, I think I have an idea of what the deal breakers were. They were probably the fact that I talked so much about wanting to live abroad and obviously the religion thing and in the end maybe the fact that I wouldn't have sex with him on the first date, but in the end those just aren't things I'm going to compromise on. I'm searching for a guy who can understand me in those areas and who is a perfect fit for my life. I have to be honest. I see myself as an independent spirit. Of course, I would love to fall in love and get married and have babies (someday), but I've also been okay for some time with the idea of traveling and living my life with or without a man by my side. However, ever since I met and got to know the Brit, he really got me excited because for the first time I think I've met a guy who can keep up with me and could maybe live the lifestyle that I crave and be happy building a universe where we were the main focus. I like him so much. The Brit, if you're out there just know that even though I shared a second first date kiss with him, the Admissions Guy has nothing on you.

The Drawing Center: http://www.drawingcenter.org/
SoHo Park: http://www.sohoparknyc.com/
Iron Horse: http://ironhorsenyc.com/