Date #47--The Even Keeled Guy

It's Saturday afternoon at 3:00 pm, and I'm going to meet the Even Keeled Guy at the Hispanic Society of America. We'll call him EKG for short. This museum is located all the way up on 155th Street. Also, there is no 2/3 express train running today so you guessed it. I take the local 1 train all the way from the very first stop at the Ferry Terminal to my destination. It takes about an hour. When I step above ground, I realize I'm in a very flavorful neighborhood. It's the barrio. There are tons of little shops and bodegas, and it's definitely a Latin neighborhood. I suppose it's fitting that this is where the museum is. I have to say, I like it. I love the parts of NYC that are so totally ethnic and different than what I see in my daily life in Midtown, the Village, and the Financial District. As I'm walking, I look across the street, and I immediately see a very gothic looking piece of architecture. I feel like that must be the museum because it definitely stands out amidst all of the buildings surrounding it. I head in that direction. When I walk inside the gate, there is a huge courtyard. It's sort of castle like. I see him. EKG is sitting on a bench not facing me. As I approach closer, he looks in my direction, and we smile an acknowledgment that we recognize each other.

Per usual, I'm a smidge late because of the train situation or actually because I'm just really bad with time. I greet EKG, and I say, "I'm sorry I'm late. Have you been waiting here long?" He replies cordially that he's only been there a few minutes. I ask him if he's ever been here before, and he tells me no, but apparently we picked a good day to come because it is the first day they are re-opened following a period of closure for some renovations. We decide to go inside and check out the art. The thing I immediately notice is that the walls are painted a vibrant red. To me it seems very indicative of Latin culture. My immediate impression of EKG is that he's a nice guy. He seems easy going and not high strung, and well, even keeled. As we're looking around at the art, EKG and I get to know one another, and I can't quite recall from the profile, but I could almost swear his ethnicity is something related to both Asian and Latin so I ask him, "What is your ethnicity?" He replies, "Me? Oh, I'm Chinese." I ask, "Are you a hundred percent because I thought I remember something about Spanish in your profile?" He says, "Well, my dad is from Ecuador, but he's Chinese. His parents immigrated there, and that's where he was born. My mom is from Hong Kong so, yes, I'm a hundred percent." I say, "So do you speak Spanish?" He says, "I do." It turns out he was born in Ecuador as well and moved to New York when he was about 6 years old so if you can imagine, he looks completely Chinese, but he has somewhat of a Spanish accent in his inflections and the way he says things. It's a bit trippy.

The second floor of the museum is filled with landscapes and portaits of people. They are, of course, all Latin themed either from Mexico or Spain or some part of Central or South America. EKG works in finance, and he lives on the Upper East Side. The conversation is pretty chillax and consistent as we graze through the museum. Just a heads up, if you are interested in checking out this museum, it's free so it's worth the trip way uptown. Once we finish with the museum, EKG suggests that we could take a walk down by the water. I think this is a really good idea. Afterall, I can't imagine when I'll be back in this neighborhood so it might be fun to explore around a little bit. We start going towards the Hudson River, and we notice that it is an extremely windy day. In fact, on my way to the museum, I literally almost got blown over a couple of different times. It seems the wind has not eased up, and it's one of those situations where my hair is being blown rapid fire into my face, and my natural inclination is just to let it blow because it's more trouble than not to try to scoop it away, but since it's important for me to make eye contact with EKG as we walk and talk, I pull my hair back with my left hand and hold it in the shape of a ponytail as the wind gradually swoops out bits and pieces of it with each gust as we walk.

The view by the water is amazing. We see the good old George Washington Bridge in the distance. I swear NYC is so pretty sometimes. This kind of reminds me of the area by the Cloisters though we are not nearly that far north. Still there is a pathway all along the river that leads to a trail through a park. We come to realize that it's Riverside Park. I have heard of this park mainly because I went through a phase back in the winter where I was obsessed with ice skating. My roommate Dawn and I did ice skating Tuesdays for the entire six weeks that we were off from school for winter break, and every Tuesday after work we would meet at a different rink and go ice skating. We went to all of them--Bryant Park, Rockefeller Center, the 2 different rinks in Central Park, Battery Park, and even Chelsea Piers. I remember when I was googling ice skating rinks one came up in Riverside Park as well, and I entertained the idea of going, but it was just so darn far. Thus, the season ended, and we never made it, but there's always next winter.

EKG and I decide to stroll through the park since neither of us have ever been. I have to say it's kind of nice to be in a park other than Central Park. Don't get me wrong. Central Park never gets old. It's like the Met of parks, but there are other ones in NYC. They're just not as famous. We walk all along the railing by the water, and the set-up looks similar to the one near Battery Park. It makes me wonder if this path goes all the way down there continuously. The wind is still blowing tremendously. We happen upon a metal building. We hear loud pop music and smell pizza and popcorn. That cues me in that it must be a roller rink. We go inside and sure enough it is. This brings back memories. Roller skating was huge when I was around 8 years old. I went once in Japan, but other than that my roller skating skills have not been maintained in the least. EKG asks me if I want to go. We look at the sign, and it says that skating hours are from 2-5 and 6-9. I look at my watch. It's 4:40. I say, "Oh, but we would only have 20 minutes to skate. That wouldn't be worth it, would it?" EKG agrees that it's too short of a timespan. Honestly if the rink were open continuously I probably would have gone, but I'm a bit relieved that it's not. Roller skating is much like ice skating. Any activity that is going to involve me having to cling onto somebody because balance is involved is too romantical for a first date...unless, of course, the chemistry is seeming off the charts.

That's the thing. It's not. We're only an hour and a half in, and already the conversation is really dragging. It was fine at the museum, but ever since we left it's been kind of slowly descending downhill. And I'm not attracted to EKG. He's nice but not my slice of life at all. After we leave the roller rink, we keep walking, and we can see Columbia University in the distance. This is neat. I've actually never been to the campus. EKG and I decide to walk through it. It's very beautiful. It's strange to see an actual college campus in Manhattan. I'm so used to my urban experience at the New School or even seeing how NYU is laid out with all of the classes amidst the regular office buildings downtown. I remember when I applied for undergrad college I was either going to go to USC or NYU. I ended up choosing USC just because in the end I thought LA would be easier to adjust to for a little ole Texas girl who had never been out of her hometown, and in the end I'm glad I made the choice not just because of that but also because I had such a traditional college experience. USC is set on the typical huge college campus that's very insulated from the world, and you never really have to leave. It's like a small city really. I think if I had gone to NYU I would have had a much more urban, adultlike undergraduate experience, and it would have shaped me as such. In any event, things turn out the way they are supposed to.

When we exit out of the campus, it's still windy. EKG tells me that he knows a good restaurant. He says it's called the Boat Basin Cafe, and it's right on the water, but it's around 79th St. I say that sounds like it would be really nice. He says it may be problematic because of the wind. I say let's go for it anyway. We hop on the subway and take it down a few blocks. As we're standing on the subway, I'm trying to think what I can talk about with EKG, but nothing is really coming to mind. We've already talked about work, family, travel, culture, education, New York. Obviously any one of these topics is capable of spurring on copious amounts of subtopics, but you have to be with someone who will help you carry the conversation in a number of different directions. EKG kind of lets the convo drop after a few paces everytime, and I find myself not wanting to try, and here's the real pitfall. He's not goofy or silly or even mildly funny. He's pleasant, but that's about it. So I find myself getting distracted by these two gay guys who are holding a dog compartment with two adorable dauschunds. I just stare at the puppy dog eyes looking out into the world probably totally wondering why they're here and where they're going. I kind of find myself thinking the same thing a quarter of the way through this date.

We get off the subway, and there's a little bit of a walk until we reach the restaurant. Once we do, it looks amazing. It's overlooking the water, and the seating is outside. There's no wait to be seated, and we take a look at the menu. It's basically standard burger and comfort food fare. It strikes me as more of a place you go for the atmosphere rather than the food, but it's NYC so I'm sure even the food will be pretty good. I decide to get the shrimp cocktail, and EKG orders the chicken fingers. We decide to split an order of onion rings. We hear some music coming from the courtyard section where people are dancing. It sounds like it might be karaoke. The singer is not very good. He definitely doesn't sound professional, but we can't see who's singing the Bon Jovi cover from where we're sitting. EKG excuses himself to the restroom. Pretty soon the covers continue with Born to Run. This dude must be from Jersey. When EKG returns I ask him if he saw who was singing. He says it is in fact a band. I say, "Wow, really? The singer's not very good."

Our food comes, and the wind is blowing so hard that the waitress makes a barricade using the napkin holder and the ketchup and mustard bottles. We start eating, and I have to say the food is pretty good. I love shrimp so I knew I wouldn't be disappointed, but once again the onion rings are like a sprinkle of Heaven to my palette. If calamari was the it flavor of the first half of this blog, I guess you can say onion rings are doing it for me in the second half. As we're eating, we see table cloths blowing up on the empty tables where no one is sitting. Pretty soon a couple of the tables get blown over on their sides. The guys who work there start folding them up. This wind is crazy. I suppose it's fitting though. I've officially been on many sunny dates, a few rainy dates, a couple of snowy dates, and now the all time windiest date I have to speak of. I have really experienced all four dating seasons here in NYC. I try to think about what EKG and I talk about during our dinner, but nothing really springs to mind. I'm sure we comment on the food and the wind and the songs sung by the cover band. I ask EKG what he wants to do after dinner. Afterall, it is Saturday night in NYC. He doesn't really have an idea so he reciprocates the question. I try to think of the specifically characteristic things that I have yet to do, and I'm almost drawing a blank. Not that I'm running out of ideas in New York. There will always be hundreds beyond my thought capacity, but I have done all the obvious things except for what I suggest. I say, "Have you ever been to Top of the Rock?" EKG says, "No, I've never been up there. It's funny because it's really close to where I work. I pass by there everyday, but I've just never gone." I say, "Do you wanna go?" EKG is even keeled about the decision making and says we should.

After dinner, we head to the Rockefeller Center area. As we're passing Radio City Music Hall, we see a huge line of women in evening gowns waiting to go inside. I say, "I wonder what show is tonight." EKG points to the marquee. I read, "Oprah in NYC for one night only." OMG, Oprah Winfrey is in town. I had no idea. I am so tempted to go up to the box office and just ask if they have any extra tickets just because I have a strong desire to see exactly how loudly someone could laugh directly in my face. Yeah right, there's no way you could score tickets. It's always been one of my dreams to go see the Oprah show in Chicago, and now with her going off the air in 2011, I'm starting to think the window is quickly closing. Plus, I heard it's hard to get tickets regardless even if you live in Chicago, and no one I know from Chicago has ever gone to see her so I know it's all the out of towners who are mooching those tickets.

We go inside Top of the Rock, and the lady at the ticket counter informs us that the top level has been closed due to the high winds, but the bottom level is still open. EKG asks me if I still want to go. I say it's up to him. He says, "Why not." Before we get on the elevator, there's a part where they make you pose for a picture. This is so touristy. EKG drapes his arm around me like we've been dating for a year. I'm thinking, "If he even thinks of buying that photo, I will strongly protest." We get on the elevator. It's going to the 67th floor. Apparently it takes 43 seconds. Once again, I think we're the only Americans on the elevator. We get to the top, and it's a great view. It's been 10 years since I went to the Empire State building so I don't really remember which is better. I should go back and visit it sometime. Plus, that was at night time. This is just before dusk so it's an entirely different experience. We walk around taking in all the angles. The one advantage of this view is that you can actually see the Empire State Building across the way. We look north, and we see Central Park sprawled out in the middle of the City. When viewing the City like this, it makes it so much more discernable what exactly the Upper West Side and the Upper East Side is. We look all around Midtown where we currently are, and then we go to the other side and view Downtown. We can also see Queens, Jersey, and Brooklyn. It's a great view. It's especially creepy when you go outside on the deck and you're in the open air, and you realize the glass partitions don't seem that sturdy.

After awhile we sit in one spot. EKG says he has a good dessert place in mind for afterwards so he starts looking it up on his iphone. I sit next to him looking out at the view, and I realize I feel completely unconnected to this guy. I know we just met, but you know when you are connected to someone or not. There's a lot of laughing. You can't get the words out fast enough because there's so much you want to say about every subject, and every thought leads into an entirely new train of thought. You're enjoying being in the present moment, and you don't feel like you're with a complete stranger as you sit waiting for him to pull up a function on his phone as a beautiful sunset is occurring in the distance. Yep, I am over this date. I kind of just want to go home, but I figure I can stick it out. Afterall, EKG has promised me chocolate, and I can't really turn that down. He can't seem to find the place he was thinking of, but he says he'll take me to Max Brenner instead. Apparently it's a restaurant that specializes in chocolate. I'm in.

We head down to Union Square to check out the chocolate bar. I've seen this place, but I've never been inside. I say to EKG, "We really covered NYC top to bottom today. We literally traveled a total of 143 blocks." EKG just kind of takes in my observation and lets it drop. I'm so over this. The minute we walk inside, you can smell the chocolate all around. Once we're seated and looking at the menu, my observational skills do not fail me, and I can't help but notice how romantic this place is. The lighting is really dark, and there are contemporary ballads playing in the background. The whole place is packed with either couples or duos/groups of girls who are friends. There are no duos/groups of just guys unless they're gay. I would rather be here with a group of girlfriends right now...or a group of gay friends. In any event, EKG and I decide to split a hazelnut crepe concoction with lots of chocolate involved. This place is intense. The menu is literally like 10 pages of chocolate desserts such as fondues, cakes, ice creams, traditional desserts, etc. This is the place to come if you are ever having a horrible PMS day. Once ours comes, I'm really excited. We bite in, and it's delicious. It's a mixture of crepes, chocolate sauce, hazelnut, and bananas. Perfection on a plate.

I have to be honest. At this point I'm really bored and aching for this date to be over. I'm wondering if it's the guy or if I'm actually starting to get bored going on random dates. It could be a combination of both, and if that's the case it's probably a pretty good thing I'm nearly done. Friends often ask me what's next once I reach 50. That's a good question. Hopefully I won't be left with a temporary high and then a true void in thinking "what now?" I don't think I will because I have come pretty close to finding out the things I was searching for answers to when I first started this. And please know that I will be giving a recap of my conclusions once I am done, but I'm not quite there yet. I'm currently on a really pleasant but very boring date.

EKG finally decides to delve below the surface. He asks, "So what do you think is something that would be a deal breaker for you?" I think for a moment. I say, "I don't think I could date someone with a really bad temper or someone who was too serious all the time. I couldn't date someone who was negative all the time either. Those are probably the major ones. How about you?" He replies, "I don't think I could date someone who was too serious either, and I want to be with someone who will get my jokes and laugh at my jokes." I try to think really hard for a moment, and I actually don't recall EKG making any jokes during our entire date. Seriously I would remember because I like to laugh, and there really hasn't been a lot of laughing going on, and I'm really easy to crack up. In all honesty, the cornier the humor, the better it is for me because I'm such a cornball. His statement really reminds me of when you're sitting in a crummy diner where the service sucks and the food is mediocre, and there's a sign on the table the reads, "Have we exceeded your expectations?" and all you can think is, "Exceeded? You haven't even begun to meet my expectations."

We also talk about Serendipity because it's also a great dessert place. EKG says, "Serendipity is one of my favorite movies." I say, "I know. I love John Cusack." He says, "He is really one of my favorite actors." I say, "Me too. Did you see Say Anything? That's my favorite of his." Finally EKG and I are on par. I should have known to go to the movie topic. That is usually no fail. But then the ball drops again. EKG looks at me and says, "I didn't see Say Anything." I say, "Oh, well, what John Cusack movies do you like then?" EKG thinks really hard for a moment. He seems to be drawing a blank. He can't think of any. Dude, you're the one who just said he was your favorite actor. I help him out a little. I say, "Well, obviously you liked Serendipity. I know. I bet you loved High Fidelity." He says he hasn't seen it. What?? I go on, "I don't know any guy who doesn't love High Fidelity because it's all about a guy's perspective and men's fear of commitment. Guys always relate to that movie." EKG says, "I think all guys relate to 500 Days of Summer because every guy has been where that guy has. Every guy has been dumped and gone crazy and then recovered." I think for a minute, and I could see his point, but the whole losing it after a major breakup I think is a universal concept for most people at some point in their life. I always feel a bit suspicious of people who say they've never had their heart truly broken. You haven't really lived until you've survived that. EKG tells me that it happened to him only once a few years ago, and ever since then he stays guarded as a form of self protection. This may explain why he's seemed so even keeled. Maybe it's hard for him to let much of any kind of emotion in these days. I can relate. I think I was that way for a while after the huge disappointment with my ex-boyfriend. Obviously there's no specific formula for how long it takes to get over someone, but rather I think it's more indicative of the steps you actually take to properly grieve and move forward. One theory hypothesizes that it takes half as long as you were actually with the person to really and truly get over them. Well, half of 7 years is 3 and a half years, and the last time I would realistically consider myself having been with him was in the summer of 2006. I'm well past the formulation on that, and if I were to be honest I'd say I was ready to love again probably sometime around a year ago, but I guess being ready to commit again has been an entirely different story indeed.

Whatever the case is, it's time to get the check and bounce. Once we're out of the romantic cave that is Max Brenner, EKG walks me to the subway, and we have a very even keeled goodbye. There was definitely no spark on this one. On the way home, I find myself thinking maybe I should revisit "High Fidelity" sometime. I haven't seen that movie in 10 years, and certainly my perspective has grown and changed and evolved in that time, but more than anything I'm thinking I might be able to relate to the whole fear of commitment that is presented in that movie, and maybe in the end it's much like "500 Days of Summer" in that fear of committing is a universal concept for everyone at some point. Kenny Rogers said it best. "You gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em." Of course, he's talking about poker, but dating is a big gamble, too. You gotta know when to walk away and know when to run. And I suppose in the end you gotta know when to settle down and make a home with someone.

Hispanic Society of America: http://www.hispanicsociety.org/
Boat Basin Cafe: http://www.boatbasincafe.com/
Top of the Rock: http://www.topoftherocknyc.com/
Max Brenner: http://www.maxbrenner.com/