Date #49--The Old Guy

It's Saturday afternoon, and I am going to meet the Old Guy at the aquarium. The aquarium is a bit of a hidden treasure. Afterall, many people who I've mentioned it to actually respond that they had no idea NYC even had an aquarium. It is in fact located in Brooklyn right next to Coney Island. I've been wanting to check it out for some time. Afterall, I've already made it to the Bronx Zoo. Plus, I absolutely love aquariums. I usually try to go whenever I get a chance in various random places such as California, Houston, San Antonio, Hawaii, Atlanta, and even Japan. Why not New York as well? The only problem is that when I arrive to the train station on this particular day, I notice that the train system is in an especially screwy state. I live in a major hubub as far as the subway system is concerned. It's usually relatively easy to catch the 2, 3, 4, 5, A, or C. However, today 4 of those trains are not running. Only the 2/3 is in service. I need one of the alphabet trains. I will need to walk a few blocks over. I am going to be late for the 1:00 pm meet-up. I finally find the train I need, and I take it to another stop where I am to transfer to the F. It gets worse. The F is not running for a large chunk of my journey, and instead I'll need to take a transfer shuttle bus. So I spend the rest of the commute on a bus on the highway and then back on the F train but above ground where I can see what an entirely awesome and beautiful day it is. This is perfect aquarium weather. I cannot wait.

I guess I should give a little background on the Old Guy. He's not really that old. He's 47, but in my life and for what I'm looking for, that's out of the range I usually go for. There are always exceptions to every rule, but I just find that guys who are generally over the age of 35 tend to be a bit too mature for me, and by that I mean they're oftentimes too serious, and they kind of act their age, and at the end of the day, I need a guy who can keep up with me. Women have more energy than men to begin with, and I'm just terribly young at heart that I usually have more luck with guys who are younger than me actually. Plus, I think people are usually a product of their environment. My mom was five years older than my dad so maybe that's why I've never seen it as strange for the chick to be a bit older than the guy. The age specifications that I requested on my profile are 25-39. Given this information, I ordinarily wouldn't even go out with the Old Guy based upon our 15 year age gap, but I kind of thought I should give it a shot. I've never really dated anyone a lot older than me, and instead I usually go down. That sounded weird, but you know what I mean. Since I really wanted a broad picture of the dating world and to make sure I wasn't ruling out the possibility for something based strictly on age, I decided to give the Old Guy a shot.

I text the Old Guy that I'll be about 20 minutes late due to the horrible switchups with the train system today. He writes back that it's no worries, and he's in the second line to the left getting the tickets. Once I reach the next to the last stop on the F train, I emerge to see Coney Island beaming in the distance. It seems only yesterday I shared a fun day here with the Brit, and yet at the same time so much has happened since then. I look, and I see that the Cyclone is up and running, and when I reach the boardwalk, there are plenty of people out and about enjoying the lovely weather. It really feels like summer is just about here. I make my way to the aquarium. Sure enough there are several lines, and I look at the one second to the left. Instead of trying to scan the line I decide to just call the Old Guy, and just as it's ringing I see him approaching. I smile, wave, and put down my phone. He's more robust than I was originally imagining, definitely stout. He approaches me with a smile as well, and there's something that seems very warm about him.

He says hi and shakes my hand, and I apologize for being late. I say, "I'm so sorry. The trains are all messed up today. At one point I was on a bus so I don't know what's going on." He doesn't seem to mind. He holds up the tickets and says, "It's perfect timing." I ask him where he lives, and he tells me he actually just lives right up the street. He's a retired cop, and he used to work the beat right here at Coney Island. He's a true, authentic New Yorker. He suggests that we make our way into the aquarium. I observe to him that there are a ton of kids here today as we maneuver our way around the tiny little running bodies and strollers everywhere. Let me explain something. I like kids. I definitely want to have them someday, but I am not what I would term a "kid" person. There are some people who absolutely go nuts for kids and will be found playing with every random child they see in the grocery store, etc. That's never gonna be me. I mean I definitely think they're cute, but I always find myself interacting with them more as little people than something other than that. I don't do that "baby/kid" speak whatever that is, and I don't try to talk to them like they don't understand. Kids totally understand. At what point is it that adults forget that they were totally coherent and aware as kids so I appreciate a good conversation with an 8 year old once in a while. But in the same breath, in situations like this one at the aquarium I know that things can get a bit shaky at a certain hour of the day. Seriously whenever you are at an aquarium, zoo, amusement park, etc, children start to have meltdowns right around 3-4 pm. All Hell breaks loose, and they suddenly decide this is not a fun environment anymore. I'm looking forward to enjoying the aquarium before these little tykes start breaking down today.

So the Old Guy and I start walking around, and it's a pretty nice layout. They have the giant indoor tanks with the colorful tropical fish, and there's the outdoor portion with the seals, sea lions, and walruses. The Old Guy has been to the aquarium many times, and he sort of takes on the role of tour guide showing me this and that and pointing out things of interest. I always kind of like it when a guy takes charge and plans out the route at places such as this. It's because I'm really bad with directions, and I always feel overwhelmed when I see a map with everything laid out, and I want to see everything so I never really know where to start. It's great if there's somebody who's willing to take on that job. The Old Guy leads me around. We actually don't do that much small talk about anything outside of the aquarium. Instead the Old Guy mainly points out the animals, and we watch in awe as the seals get fed, or the walrus takes a dive into the water. This sounds really weird, but I kind of feel like I'm with a dad--not my dad but A dad. The Old Guy has a very fatherly presence. He seems very patient and calm, and he seems like he should be here with his own small children or maybe grandchildren if he had gotten started super duper early.

He seems to like the fact that I'm enjoying the aquarium so much. I ooh and aah at each new attraction. I really am having a great time. People have often told me that they like seeing me get excited about things, and I'm not really sure why, but I think it's probably because I give off a childlike wonder type vibe, and it's totally genuine. It's my feeling that, of course, everyone has this as a kid, but at a certain point in life you kind of lose it. This usually happens just through the course of life and responsibilities and everyday stressors, but sometimes you meet people who have been able to retain it. I think that once you let go of it, it is extremely difficult and maybe even entirely impossible to ever get it back. I guess you could say that's why I've been holding onto it for so long. Honestly I hope I never lose it, but I don't think it's something you can consciously control. I don't think anyone ever goes around thinking, "I want to get rid of this childlike amusement at things." I think sometimes you just wake up, and it's gone, but hopefully I'll be able to sustain mine. I'm 32, and it hasn't really wavered so maybe I'm doing okay.

I think the people that I'm drawn to also tend to usually possess this quality--that ingrained ability to laugh at the absurd and oneself, to enjoy cotton candy on a whim, to get caught in the rain and not care, to get a kick out of playing in a toy store. Yep, I think that's a great way to summarize who exactly I'm looking for, a proverbial Toys 'R Us kid. It's interesting because it seems more than once lately the people who have been responding to my profile have noted that I seem "comfortable in my own skin." I take that as such a compliment. I think when you can proudly proclaim you're a dork and mean it, you are so totally there, but the thing is that not everyone is a dork. Some people are actually really cool, but I'm definitely looking for someone who has both. And I think a large part of what makes that come through is when you get a genuine sense that the person is not trying to fit a mold or create an image or be somebody they think you want them to be. I've met quite a few people on match.com who don't really seem comfortable in their own skin, and it's a bit of a turnoff.

Luckily we're just in time for the 2 pm water show which features the animals doing tricks and such. The Old Guy and I go into the area with the pool and bleachers and take a seat. This totally reminds me of Sea World, but there's no Shamu. Actually it's like a baby kid sister of Sea World. The aquarium as a whole is way smaller, but I appreciate the effort. The trainer comes out, and she does some basic tricks with the seals and walrus. It's really cute. Something about animals performing is so entertaining. As I sit next to the Old Guy I'm kind of amazed that we've gotten this far in, and I still don't know that much about him. He's kind of a quiet, reserved type of guy. I wouldn't say full on shy, but he definitely has the strong, silent type thing going on. Yeah, even if he were 37 or 27, I would probably have to ascertain pretty quickly that he's not my type. He's nice though. I kind of feel like I'm just here watching the show with a friend or maybe the dad of one of my friends. That sounds bad, but yeah I'm just not feeling the older guy thing.

After the show, the Old Guy and I continue on looking at the remainder of the indoor parts that we have not gotten to. We see the sharks, turtles, other random types of fish, manatees, etc. Whenever we're inside it becomes more and more apparent just how many kids are here today. I remember I went to the Bronx Zoo in the middle of December on a day when it was snowing so in a way it was kind of nice because the place was deserted, and there weren't that many kids or even people. I'm sure if I went back today it would be packed, but in any event, I do start to notice that some of the kids are breaking down. I start to hear random cries of dissatisfaction or exhaustion. It's not complete pandemonium, but I know it will be within a 2 hour window. The Old Guy and I head back outside, and we look at the last outdoor area. I decide I want to start getting to know him better so I ask him how long he's been on match.com

The Old Guy tells me that he's been on for a couple of months. I ask him how it's been treating him. He says, "Ok, but there are definitely some crazy broads out there." Okay, this is good. It's story time. I ask him how many women he's met up with, and he pauses for a moment, and he points at me, and he says, "You're the first one." Whoa, that's a little surprising. I ask, "How do you know the women are crazy then?" He says, "Well, I was a cop for many years so I just kind of have an idea what to look for." I'm getting really intrigued and actually wondering what kind of vibes my profile gives off, and he says, "For one thing, a lot of the women who say they are in New York are not in New York." I respond, "You mean like a fake profile?" He says, "Not necessarily fake, but there's one option to pick where in NYC you're living. I think it says something like Radio City, NY, and if a woman has that, I know she's not in New York." I ask, "Why would women lie about being in NYC?" He says, "It's my experience that these women are somewhere else, but they want to find a way to get to New York."

Hmm...interesting. We realize we've seen the whole aquarium, and the Old Guy suggests that we park ourselves at one of the tables in the middle and get to know each other. I say, "What other things do you look for in a profile when you're trying to spot the crazies?" He says, "Well, it's not necessarily crazy, but whenever I see a profile where they've written top to bottom and filled every single space up, then I can tell that the person's not really looking for a serious relationship." I kind of think about how my profile is a bit lengthy. I can't help myself, and I ask, "So what did you think when you read my profile?" He says, "I could tell you weren't from New York right away." I bust out laughing, and I ask, "What gave it away?" He says, "You were so quick to want to meet up." I say, "Oh, are women in New York usually more cautious?" He says, "Yeah, and I could tell you were honest. You didn't seem like a psychopath." This is a relief though I do start to wonder what he would have to say about my whole dating project.

We continue talking, and he also observes that a large number of women put on their profiles that they have either skydived or they want to go skydiving. I ask, "So what does that say to you? They're trying to seem adventurous?" He says, "It's not that they're trying, but it says to me that there are women that live their lives a certain way, and there are others who want to, but something is holding them back." I think that's a keen observation. I would totally say I've always wanted to sky dive, but I never have. I wonder what's holding me back. I think it's definitely one of those things that if you think too much about it you'll never do it so at a certain point you just gotta strap the chute on your back and get to jumping. The thing I'm taking away from this conversation with the Old Guy is that from being on the police force for twenty years, he seems to have a heightened sense of awareness of things. I wouldn't call it paranoia because of his line of work, but for someone like me I think it would seem paranoid. My brother #3 is a cop, and he's very similar in this regard. He's always very on guard about reading people and situations, and sometimes I'm just like, "Dude, relax. Not everyone is out to get you." He's not that bad, but being in law enforcement definitely makes you view the world in a different way.

I'm definitely not interested in dating the Old Guy, but I have to say that he's so knowledgeable that I'm actually enjoying the conversation. He knows a lot about the underbelly of NYC. I ask him random questions about going undercover, interrogating suspects, and the mafia. Apparently it's still alive and well, and there's also a Russian mafia and a Chinese mafia. I ask him if there's a Cuban mafia because I remember I used to always joke with the Cuban that he was a part of it because he's so secretive, and the Old Guy confirms that it does exist. The Old Guy really reminds me of some character you would see on one of those cop shows from the 1980s like Hill Street Blues. He would be playing the Police Chief that reprimands the cocky, newbie cops every episode. I'm enthralled with his stories, but it doesn't feel romantic in any sense. Instead I kind of feel like he's a teacher or something, and I'm just learning from his experiences. It doesn't really feel so very interactive in that regard.

I can't remember so I ask the Old Guy if he was married before. He confirms that he was, but he's been divorced about 10 years, and there were no kids. I don't really know why the Old Guy is still single. He strikes me as someone who would marry a girl from the neighborhood and settle down at the edge of Brooklyn with a bunch of kids and go to Coney Island and the aquarium in the summer. I don't know that he's really going to find what he's looking for on a site like match.com especially when it's filled with eccentric, kooky broads such as myself. I have to be heading back to Manhattan because I am going to a wedding later on this night (Random and I will write more about that later) so I look at my watch, and I tell the Old Guy I should be shoving off because it's probably going to take over an hour to get back to the City. He says okay and starts to walk me back to the F train. I ask him what his plans are for the rest of the day. It's only about 4 pm. He says he'll probably go grocery shopping for his mom who is 84 years old. Wow, that's incredible. It turns out he's the youngest of 7 kids--typical giant Irish American family born and raised in Brooklyn.

Yeah, I know it could never work with a guy like the Old Guy. I think beyond the age gap, our lifestyles and life goals are completely different. I see him being with a very traditional woman who can make a nice home for him and have lots of little Irish babies. It's weird. I do want those things in some alternate form, but I just do not see any chemistry or compatibility happening. I remember when I was in college I had the biggest crush on my poetry professor, Professor St. John. Absolutely loved him. He was about 30 years older than me, and he was just always so calm and said things in such a soothing way and in a nutshell was definitely comfortable in his own skin. I used to come up with excuses to visit him during his office hours. Oh man, if only I were to run into him today...so I'm not saying I'm completely opposed to dating older guys based upon the interaction I have had with the Old Guy today. That's the thing of it. Every person is unique and their own individual in some way. I don't think you can discount a whole category of people based upon one interaction, and in the end thank goodness age is just a number because if it weren't, I wouldn't get to date guys who were younger than me. So with that I decide to have a very pleasant goodbye with the Old Guy. I kind of purposefully held back from letting the Old Guy know too much about me or my views on things just because, for one, I wasn't interested in forming a connection with him, but, for two, I kind of don't want to add fuel to the fire in his perceptions that no one is what they seem. I'd like him to have an ounce of hope that there are still good people out there that you can share a nice day at the aquarium with. I enjoyed it, and as the Old Guy heads off to go play with random kids in the grocery store, hopefully he did, too.

New York Aquarium: http://www.nyaquarium.com/