This one's for the girls.

In every place I have ever lived and in every chapter, I have always had good girlfriends to keep the balance going and to provide a feeling of support in knowing that it's okay if you haven't found Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now. In the same breath, I'm not a girly girl by any means. Definitely I like dressing up if the occasion calls for it, but I'm more downhome. I'm never gonna be that girl that gets up two hours early to pick out an outfit and do the hair and make-up. That's just not me. I'm much more earthy, and so are all the girls I have ever really bonded with. So in that regard I'm not like Carrie Bradshaw at all. Maybe some of it could be attributed to the fact that I have 3 brothers so I really like hanging out with guys as well and doing guy things like rough housing and playing video games, and that's why at the end of the day I really do believe men and women can be friends, or at least I know that I can be friends with men and actually have really had a strong desire to be friends with some of the guys I've gone on dates with even if I wasn't feeling anything romantic. And then, of course, we all know how I feel about the gay male companion. I am a huge champion. I have always said that I don't need a hundred friends to function. In fact, in any given environment if I have a good girlfriend, a gay friend, and a boyfriend I am fulfilled on all fronts.

In my first couple of years of college, I hung out with these 3 great girls named Michele, Julia, and Esther. Then in the latter half of college, Michele and I lived with our other 2 friends Gladys and Yoko. Michele, along with my gay pal Albert, was my steadfast confidante for my first few years in LA. She carried me through every major crush, one hot month, disappointment, intrigue, and so much more with regard to boys and love. She would get really into my stories and let me pour over every small detail pertaining to whichever boy I was crazy about at the moment. In a nutshell, I was absolutely boy crazy when I first moved to LA. In fact, I distinctly remember Michele once telling me, "Carole, all you ever talk about is school and boys." So good to see that not much has changed in 10 years time. In any event, Esther and Julia are both married now, and Yoko just got engaged. Congatulations, Yoko!! I'm so excited for her wedding because she's a total foodie, and I know that aspect is going to be off the hook, but beyond that it will just be so wonderful to see a friend committing her life to a partner who she truly loves and who she knows will make her happy for the rest of her life. When I lived in Japan, I hung out with 3 other great girls named Yamato, Kristen, and Sheenae. I had so much fun traveling around with them. Also, my neighbor was this great gay guy named Roman who would always knock on my door and ask me if I wanted to go get chocolate, and then we would talk about boys and traveling and living in Japan and then watch movies or look at PerezHilton.com on his computer. Hey, you have to pass the time in the Japanese countryside somehow. Coincidentally Yamato just got married as well. Congratulations, Yamato!! So it's kind of weird seeing your friends entering into this next serious stage of life. It's not weird in a bad way. It's just moreso an acknowledgement that your life is evolving and growing into a different chapter, and to properly grow as a person you have to ease into each new stage with confidence and clarity, and above all you have to know what's right for yourself. You can't just decide it's time to grab a guy because everyone around you is doing that. Rather, I think falling in love and wanting to build something with someone that is bigger than the both of you is what draws someone into something like marriage.

Now currently in New York, my girls are Dawn and Paola. I have a great time with them, and they are very single, and since a friend from all of my prior groups has gone into that marriage zone, I'm wondering who it will be out of the 3 of us, and I actually find myself thinking it will probably be me just because out of all of us I am more focused on that, and I have been more proactive about really seeing what's out there. But then again when I am with them, it feels totally more than okay being single which again I think goes back to that single girls' camraderie support network that has always been so apparent in my life. It's interesting though because I was talking to one of my dates prior, and honestly I haven't met a ton of people in NYC whose lives are like that TV show "Friends." This city is so big and diverse that it doesn't seem like a ton of people have 5 other people who they see on a daily basis and who they hang out with and do everything with all the time. For example, Julia from my LA days now lives in New York as does Sheenae from my Japan days. I also have my psychology friends and now my go to girls Dawn and Paola, but all of these groups are real and separate entities so I find that when I couple that with school, work, and a dating life, I only hang out with each of them maybe once every month or couple of months. Man, if there's one thing I've discovered from this year in NYC it's that people are busy including myself.

In any event, last Friday night it was Dawn's birthday, and it was a perfect excuse to get together with her and Paola and celebrate in true blue NYC style. So we go eat dinner at Il Porto which is in our neighborhood, and afterwards we decide that we have to go to Water Taxi Beach. For those of you that don't know, Water Taxi Beach is this outdoor "club" located at the Southstreet Seaport. It's made up to look like a beach with sand and everything. I have to give you some background. Last August, it was the first Friday after Dawn and I had moved to NYC, and we wanted to go exploring around. Naturally being complete neophytes, neither one of us had a clue as to what to do or where to go. We hadn't even heard of Timeout NY. So we picked a street and wondered down it until we happened upon the Southstreet Seaport where all of the action was taking place because the weather was so nice. We ended up eating at one of the restaurants with outdoor seating, and afterwards we wandered over to Pier 17 and walked around to where we suddenly heard loud music and saw a ton of people milling about.

We were both so excited. For all intents and purposes, this seemed like a "cool" place, and it was so very close to where we lived. Thus, we decided to just hang out on one of the benches kind of scoping out the scene, and there were all of these shady looking guys. It definitely seemed like an older crowd. Some of these guys were clearly in their 40s, and the more I kept looking around I started to notice something. My keen observation skills and knowledge from the past did not fail me. I realized something, and I had to share it with Dawn. I said, "It's a gay club." She said, "Really?" I think she was a bit disappointed because she kind of likes older guys. It turns out it was a special throw back night to some gay club that used to be around in the 1980s which explains why all the 40 year olds were out in full force. I was like, "Yeah, these guys are all gay," and it totally was a gay club which made me even more excited about actually going inside. We ended up getting in the line, but then we found out the cover was $25, and we were like "forget that." Instead we ended up just walking around the perimeter because the way Water Taxi Beach is set up, you can totally hear the music and see what's going on inside because there are no walls only a small knee high fence so we spent the evening doing what is the story of my life--on the outside looking in, and I actually think we had way more fun that way. In any event, Water Taxi Beach is only open in the summer, and I sort of told myself that we would actually go back there one of these nights, and so Dawn's birthday was perfect because it was opening night of the season.

So Dawn, Paola, and I go inside, and we get a drink. I go with the obvious choice, a margarita. We kind of scope out the scene. It's early so it's not really too packed. I guess they must rotate the themes because tonight is definitely not an 80s gay night. Instead it seems to be a Latin theme. They're playing a lot of Latin music, and the crowd is really an odd, eclectic mix. There are some really, really young looking people, and then there are some really old looking people like in their 60s. Interesting. We end up parking ourselves on one of the benches on the sand. The view is the best part of this place. We're right under the Brooklyn Bridge, and the sparkle looks so magical at night. We look at the dance floor. There's one Latin guy absolutely dominating the dance floor, no partner necessary. I laugh. This totally reminds me of the Cuban. I turn to the girls, and I say, "That's totally how the Cuban is on the dance floor." They laugh, too. After a coupla more songs, we hit the dance floor as well, and it's super fun. The music is good. The fresh Hudson River breeze is blowing in. There are no male prospects in sight, and I am okay with that. It's fun just being here with the girls.

After a little while, we're ready to hit up a more traditional NYC hotspot. Paola has come with a recommendation. She says one of her friends is DJing at this place called Amnesia so I suggest that we get outta here and go check it out. We hop on the train, and we emerge somewhere near Chelsea. I get really excited. I say, "This is the gayborhood. We could go to a gay club." Dawn and Paola laugh. I'm such a hag, like a moth to a flame. In any event, I reassure Dawn that we are in fact going to a straight club just for her. We arrive, and it is so NYC with the roped off area. We get inside, and it's dead at first, but it really starts to pick up about an hour or so later. The phrase, "People don't go out until midnight in NYC" really starts to become clarified at this point. I'll be honest with you, at this point this whole situation becomes completely observational from my viewpoint. I start to think about how this is a whole lifestyle for some people, and some people are so serious about it.

When I lived in LA, I loved to go out, but I mainly went out to gay clubs. They were so much fun. You could go and dance and not be harrassed and just have a good time. On the rare occasion that I would actually go to some Hollywood club I would notice that everyone looked alike. Everyone dressed alike, and it was all sort of cookie cutter. It wasn't my scene at all, and the funny thing is that here at this club in NYC I'm getting the same vibe. All of the guys look alike, and even all of the girls look alike, too. Not one single dude stands out as someone I would want to approach. It's just a mass production of skeeviness. That is until a couple of hours in, and we're dancing, and he walks in. There's always someone who stands out amongst the crowd. On this particular occasion it's a guy who comes in, and he has on the thick rimmed glasses and a scarf. He's attractive. There's something distinctive about him, and it's because he has a style all his own. I become really enamored, and I really feel like I want to meet this guy.

At one point, we're up on the second level, and I look down, and I see Scarf Guy on the first level near the bar talking with his friends. Dawn leans over, and she says, "Mabel thought that guy was cute." (Mabel is one of Dawn's classmates who joined us for a bit and then left). I gasp, and I say, "I totally think he's cute, too." We watch him for a while, and then he leaves the bar area to go to a different part. I say to the girls, "Let's go down and dance near him." They say, "You are not shy, Carole." And I'm thinking, "You think?" We go down. I'm waiting for the perfect moment to intercept, but he's always with people. This is a very delicate situation. You have to find just the right moment to make it look coincidental. Eventually I see him go back near the bar. I'm at a loss. I have to talk to this guy. It's so funny. It's almost like a game of cat and mouse to me. This reminds me of the first night at Speed Dating where I was so determined to catch Mr. Handsome. It's all a game to me. At this point Paola is back up on the second level, and I say to Dawn, we have to go find Scarf Guy. I start heading to the bar. This must be the eleventh hour because it seems like every guy tries to pull us into dance as we're making our way to the bar. It almost seems like at a certain hour every guy has to grab a girl, and as I'm in hot pursuit of Scarf Guy maybe I'm no different. I round the corner, and I see Scarf Guy...but...he's with a girl. And they look very intimate, and I'm totally bummed out. The dude has a girlfriend, or something. I turn back around and push Dawn in the other direction, and I say, "He has a girlfriend." She says, "Really?" I say, "Yeah, he was kissing some girl." We proceed onto the bar, and as we are walking we pass right by Scarf Guy and his girl who are walking in the other direction. Small bummer maybe, but it added some excitement to my night, and man am I so happy I didn't try to talk to him before realizing he was spoken for. That girl would have beaten the crap out of me.

Anyways, Dawn, Paola, and I carry on with our night. We dance like crazy to all of the songs, and we have just a really great time. Dawn makes a funny observation later on. She says, "I remember when I was in my early 20s I would go to clubs, and there would always be these older chicks who were just really into it and didn't care what anyone thought. All I could keep thinking was that was us tonight." I bust out laughing because she's totally right. We are now officially those older chicks who are just there to have a good time and are really oblivious about being hip or trendy because let's face it. Anyone who seriously uses the word hip is beyond help at this time. But the thing of it is that even when I was 22 I was never like the girls I saw at the club tonight. There's nothing wrong with it if that's your thing, but I am way too dorky and downhome for all of that. I'm just glad I can appreciate the novelty of it and enjoy being single while I can and have some great girls to enjoy my life with in NYC. Yes, I am in pursuit of love, connection, intimacy, but I think at the background there has to be a strong base of support so that you don't ever feel like if it doesn't work out with a guy there won't be anyone there and also just to have someone to be on the outside looking in on the coolness with you. So to all my girls whether you were busy being dorky at a dance club with me when I was in my early 20s, late 20s, or now early 30s, I raise my glass to you, and I say, "Don't stop believing," oh yes, in that power to be free and to just be.

Water Taxi Beach: http://www.watertaxibeach.com/
Amnesia: http://www.amnesianyc.com/home